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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567322">i'm sick and i'm tired of reasoning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/missberryisbest/pseuds/losers-to-lovers'>losers-to-lovers (missberryisbest)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>so many feelings pent up in here [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff, Gay denial, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, No Clown, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Pain play if you squint a bit, Pierced Richie Tozier, Pining, Slight feminization, Tattooed Richie Tozier, There was supposed to be smut but then we got dialogue and feelings instead, Top Richie Tozier, all the pining, but only a small bit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:01:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/missberryisbest/pseuds/losers-to-lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started when Richie went and got his nipple pierced. It started, and from there on out, it only got worse. In the beginning, Eddie was able to hold firm. He was not attracted to his best friend. He was not. He did not get hard when Richie pulled his shirt up and showed off the silver metal. He didn’t, okay? Alright, fine, he did - is that what people wanted to hear? Jeez.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>so many feelings pent up in here [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>118</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Problem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu1DeF0p1_m8nAIomy-B4yhzK1ZPxsEqv">playlist for the fic because i'm incapable of writing something without strong music associations</a>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all started when Richie went and got his nipple pierced. It started, and from there on out, it only got worse. In the beginning, Eddie was able to hold firm. He was <em> not </em> attracted to his best friend. He was <em> not</em>. He did <em> not </em> get hard when Richie pulled his shirt up and showed off the silver metal. <em> He didn’t, okay? </em> Alright, <em> fine, </em> he did - is that what people wanted to hear? Jeez. Yeah, he got hard enough that he had to move and gingerly cross his legs. But it wasn’t about <em> Richie </em> . It was a natural reaction to stimuli. Sure, Eddie knew that Richie might <em> objectively </em> be hot, but it wasn’t like that. Not with them. They were <em> friends</em>. And yeah, as kids they had totally practiced their kissing skills out on each other so that they knew what it felt like and wouldn’t be bad at it when they got older and met someone special. That is just what kids <em> do</em>. When they are friends. As kids. It didn’t <em> mean anything</em>.</p><p><em> Fine - </em> when Richie was telling the losers how great it felt when a random chick from his Art class tugged at the barbell with her teeth Eddie <em> might </em> have let out a small whimper. He <em> might </em> have imagined laving at Richie’s nipple and sucking the metal between his teeth. The losers <em> might </em> have looked at him like he was crazy, but he just muttered something about a stress headache and left. Because he did have a headache. <em> He did. </em> And it was <em> not </em> born out of sexual frustration, either. It was <em> not </em> about Richie. Because, like, piercings are hot. And like, Richie had one, so it was okay that Eddie thought <strike>  he </strike> it was hot, because it wasn’t about Richie, it was about sex. And piercings. Yeah, that was it. Eddie got hard and had to crouch over and run back to his dorm room to whack one out because <em> piercings </em> are hot. Not because of <em> Richie </em> . He didn’t see Richie like that. Eddie was <em> fine</em>. Everything was <em> fine. </em> There was nothing to worry about.</p><p>But then - and Eddie really started going crazy when this happened - Richie got a tattoo. A fucking black ink tattoo of a fucking <em> rose </em> that flowed along the line of Richie’s hipbone. With song lyrics. <em> What a cliche and entirely fuck boi thing to get tattooed on you for forever. </em> When Richie called them together and pulled up his shirt in Bev’s dorm room to show it off, Eddie went a little batshit, but that was okay. <em> And what was it with Richie and yanking up/fucking </em> <b> <em>pulling off</em> </b> <em> his shirt? </em> Was he <em> trying </em> to drive Eddie insane<em>? </em> But anyways, time to <em> focus. </em> It was all about the germs. Tattoos are risky, you know? That’s why Eddie had to get closer… Why he had to run his fingers over Richie’s skin. <em> He was checking for infection. </em> Duh. </p><p>And yeah, maybe when Richie let out a little gasp at the contact Eddie’s mouth started watering. Sue him. Tattoos are hot. It wasn’t <em> his </em> fault that he wanted to lick it. Yeah, maybe he wanted to body slam into Richie until he was laid flat out on the floor and bite <strike> his hip</strike>  the ink. Then kiss it. Then lick it again. Just…… lick the rose, and then, <em> sure, </em> maybe lick some other things. But the way that the dark ink stood out against Richie’s pale skin was <em> obscene </em>. And anyways, Eddie still held back. He reminded himself that Richie didn’t look at him like that, that it would be a terrible idea for them to get together, that it could fuck with their entire friend group dynamic…. But when Richie was around it was kind of hard to remember, so eventually, during a trip to the mall where Richie kept calling Eddie ‘baby’ for some reason, Eddie went and locked himself in a changing room. He took in a shaky breath and opened the notes app in his phone and typed out the reasons it was important that he not touch Richie. </p><p><em> Well</em>, he thought, later that same night, <em> that seemed extreme. </em> Eddie decided that he could <em> touch </em> Richie, that was fine. Just… no more than usual. No kisses. No licking. Hugs were fine. Wrapping an arm around Richie after Richie did it first was fine. And if Richie pulled Eddie into his lap during movie nights, well, <em> what was Eddie supposed to do? </em> Get up? Move? Jesus Christ, that would be <em> rude</em>. And Eddie wasn’t rude. He was polite. It was <em> polite </em> to sit in Richie’s lap and rest his head on Richie’s shoulder <strike>  and maybe take a deep breath because Richie always smelled like cigarette smoke and pine. </strike>   But it meant <em> nothing.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Eddie was just being polite, okay? </em>
</p><p>Eddie kept it together for a while after that. He controlled himself when Richie got a second tattoo. When he got a third. When he got his nose pierced. Dear <em> God </em> , that was hard. Richie had already gotten his ears pierced back in high school. And now the fucker was like, attaching a chain from the hoop in his nose to the ones in his ear. <em> Eddie wanted to touch. </em> But Eddie didn’t. He was good. </p><p>Eddie did his best. He suffered through sitting across from Richie every night in the college cafetera. Watching him slather ketchup on his fries instead of putting it on the side like a rational person. <em> Freak. </em> But a truly beautiful freak with tattoos and piercings and….. <em> Anyways, moving on. </em> </p><p>Eddie didn’t <em> stare, </em> and though he might have kicked Richie in the leg when Richie was being too much, he didn’t take off his shoe and rub his foot against Richie’s calf like he wanted to. Eddie endured and just…. read through his list of reasons every night. He was <em> good</em>. </p><p>When Richie showed up to their hangouts with hickies on his neck, Eddie didn’t get jealous. He didn’t. And he didn’t think about how salty sweet Richie probably tasted. <em> He fucking didn’t. </em> Instead, like a calm and reasonable person, Eddie just opened his notes app and added in the fact that Richie would fuck anything that moved and Eddie liked sex to mean more than that. It was <em> fine</em>. Another reason to keep it together. To keep his hands mostly to himself. Eddie was <em> good. </em></p><p>But then…… Then Richie decided to dye his hair bright pink. And he documented the entire process on snapchat. So Eddie lost his mind.<em> Justifiably. </em> Richie was doing it late at night on his way home from work, so he didn’t have any of the losers with him. <strike> Didn’t have Eddie with him.</strike>  And so Eddie had to just…. <em> Sit there </em> and <em> watch </em> as Richie went to the fucking pharmacy, bought a box of fucking arctic fucking fox hair dye, and then fucking went and bleached his fucking hair. The goddamn gloves didn’t even fit Richie’s gigantic bear hands. So the idiot was wearing ziploc bags over his hands like weird plastic mittens. Eddie almost went berserk at that, but he was trying to be <em> good</em>. To remain <em> calm</em>.</p><p>Richie had borrowed Bev’s blow dryer and dried the freshly bleached hair until it was all poofy around his head. Until he looked like a fluffy lion with his yellowy-blonde hair. Eddie texted him saying as much, and Richie responded by sending Eddie a private snap where he was lip syncing to ‘Circle Of Life’ using the blow dryer as a microphone. The snap ended with Richie laughing and throwing Eddie a wink. A motherfucking <em> wink. </em> A warm feeling spread from Eddie’s belly to his <strike> heart</strike>  face. That’s when Eddie passed his breaking point. <em> A confrontation was in order. </em></p><p>Sure, Richie might not think about him like <em> that. </em> Yeah, Richie flirted with him sometimes, but that was just Richie, it didn’t mean anything. Richie would flirt with anything that moved. And sure, Eddie was across the campus from the dorms in the library <strike> distracting himself from his feelings</strike>  studying for a test, but none of that <em> mattered. </em> He had to do <em> something</em>. Enough was <em> enough</em>. Richie wasn’t fucking allowed to just <em> do that. </em> It was too cute. </p><p>Eddie hastily packed up his books and shoved them into his bag. He normally took the time to order them by size but this was <em> urgent </em>. He had to get to Richie asap. Eddie didn’t know what he was going to do when he got to Richie’s room, he just knew that he had to get there. He didn’t really remember crossing the campus, but somehow he got to Richie’s dorm building and stomped along to the room Richie shared with Stan. The door was shut.</p><p>Through the cheap wood, Eddie could hear the soundtrack of Lion King still playing. <em> Shitting fuck, it was all too much. </em> Eddie raised a hand and started hammering away at the plywood like it had personally offended him. </p><p>“Coming!” Richie called out, and the music stopped. Which was good, they wouldn’t want music playing for this. <em> This? This?!?!?!?! What did Eddie think was going to happen? </em> Determined to just <em> not </em> think, Eddie shoved everything down and frowned, crossing his arms and waiting for Richie to get to the door. When it swung open Richie was standing there, no shirt, low-slung sweats leaving very little to the imagination. <em> Jesus fucking Christ this wasn’t fair. </em></p><p>“Spageds!” Richie said, laughing and grabbing Eddie by the hand to yank him inside the room. </p><p>“That’s not my name,” Eddie said, helplessly relying on their established rituals as he let himself get pulled into the space.</p><p>Richie reached behind him to close the door. He got up in Eddie’s space to pull it shut, and Eddie couldn’t<em> breathe. </em> And then Richie just kept on talking, seemingly oblivious to the effect he was having on Eddie. </p><p>“Thank fuck, you’re here!” Richie said. “I was gonna call you!”</p><p>“But probably not by my actual name,” Eddie said, feeling like an out-of-breath broken record.</p><p>Richie just snorted, somehow even making <em> that </em> seem attractive. He stepped further back into his room, the light above his mirror making his hair glow like a freaking halo. He had clearly just hopped out of the shower, and he was all….. Wet. His curls were doing The Thing where they laid in perfect little coils around his grinning face. And oh, yeah, <em> his hair was bubblegum fucking pink. </em> Not only was it pink, but it had the audacity to look really good. The pink brought out the flush on Richie’s cheeks…. Made his eyes look even more blue. It wasn’t <em> fair. </em> Eddie didn’t know what to <em> do. </em> So he just stood there, mouth open like a goddamn trout or some shit.</p><p>Richie just kinda stood there, and Eddie looked, until he couldn’t handle the looking anymore. But when Eddie tried to find something else to focus on, the only thing his brain would allow as an alternative was Richie’s entirely naked chest. <em> Well, looking isn’t touching, </em> Eddie figured, so he allowed himself a moment, or two, <strike>  or five,  </strike> of weakness.</p><p>Two of Richie’s tattoos and the fucking nipple piercing of doom were all just... <em> out there. </em> Eddie felt faint; his fists clenched as he leaned back against the door for support. The distraction wasn’t <em> working</em>. He was just getting <em> more </em> frustrated and wriggly, not <em> less</em>. Not to mention the fact that since Richie’s hair was wet and dripping, his entire chest was damp and shiny. And the pine scent was really strong, overlaced with the bitterness of hair dye. Eddie swallowed and then, against his will, he <em> spoke. </em></p><p>“Do you ever wear a shirt?” Eddie burst out. “It’s like you’re allergic to cotton.” Richie didn’t reply for a moment; he just squinted at Eddie before reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck, which made his bicep bulge and also made everything <em> even worse. </em></p><p>“Can you chill out just a bit, your royal highness?” Richie asked eventually, just before the silence dragged on for too long. He somehow sounded sheepish and chiding at the same time. He stretched up and out and rolled his eyes. </p><p>“If it bothers you so much, I can just grab a shirt real quick. You know - so that I stop offending your delicate sensibilities,” Richie said as he walked towards his closet.</p><p>“No,” Eddie said, <em>far</em> <em>too quickly</em>. He bit his lip to stop any other words from following until he took a breath.</p><p>Richie froze.<em> Say something, fucking </em> <b> <em>do</em> </b> <em> something, </em> Eddie thought, <em> say the words that I can’t. </em> But Richie didn’t. He just turned and looked at Eddie in the way that made Eddie want to start screaming and never stop.</p><p>“No?” Richie asked, drawing the one-syllable word out, his eyes too fucking soft for Eddie to handle.</p><p>“I mean, ah, it’s your room, you can dress or not dress however you want,” Eddie said, the words falling out too quickly. He couldn’t make them <em> stop. </em> “Don’t worry about me, I can handle looking at your pasty body just fine. Been doing it for years.”</p><p>Richie’s face went back to normal then. It stopped looking all kind and gentle. Eddie missed the softness even as he breathed out a sigh of relief at not having to deal with <em> feelings. </em> But then he got confused again, because like, he came here to talk about things, didn’t he? What was he <em> doing? </em></p><p>Richie shrugged and shifted on his heel, crossing over to the mirror to put some kind of product into his hair that made it even more annoyingly tousled and attractive.<em> And still just as pink. </em> </p><p>“Sooooooo,” Richie went on, voice light but somehow not in the way it was supposed to be. He was looking at Eddie through the mirror, and when Eddie looked back, he winked.</p><p>“What do you think of the new ‘do?” Richie drawled.</p><p><em> With the fucking winking, just, on top of everything else?!.. </em> Eddie groaned and threw himself down onto Richie’s bed, needing a moment to just - accept his new reality.</p><p>“<em> Yikes </em>,” Richie said, using his hands to scrunch at his curls before turning to face Eddie, his back leaning against the sink. “That bad, huh?”</p><p>“It isn’t…… <em> bad</em>.” Eddie admitted. He could feel himself blushing, so he quickly shoved his face deep in Richie’s pillow.</p><p>“Why the fuck’d you dye it <em> pink?” </em> Eddie bit out, words muffled by the soap and cigarette scented linen.</p><p>“Stan’s gone home for the weekend and he’s like, 90% of my impulse control,” Richie said, his voice getting nearer. Eddie felt the bed dip down, and when his body got all warm and fuzzy feeling, he knew Rich had sat down next to him. Then a hand rested on his back, and the fucking burning heat of it jolted through him like a livewire. Eddie tried not to flinch, but he wasn’t sure how well he did.</p><p>“You okay, doll?” Richie asked, voice lower than usual. <em> A pet name. Great. That was helping. </em> Eddie groaned again before rolling over onto his side so that he was looking at his friend. He was careful to not disrupt Richie’s hand.</p><p>“M’fine,” Eddie said.<em> I’m really not, </em> he thought, but he shoved that down. Focused on how nice Richie’s hand felt and tried not to <em> think. </em></p><p>“You don’t seem fine,” Richie said, still in that soft voice. Then his hand moved. It dipped a bit lower. Skirted over the skin between the bottom of Eddie’s shirt and the top of his shorts. His thumb rubbed at the skin in soothing circles. Holy shit. Eddie felt himself start to get hard, and he shot up, grabbing the pillow and putting it in his lap, and just, looking at Richie. And just as much as Eddie was looking, Richie was looking right back. For some reason this made Eddie get mad.</p><p>“Of course I’m not fucking <em> fine</em>,” Eddie spat out. “You dyed your hair pink. How am I supposed to just - just <em>deal </em> with that?”</p><p>Richie looked puzzled, and his thumb stopped moving for a moment.</p><p>“Um, you deal with it however the fuck you have to, because it is my hair?” Richie said back, tilting his head to the side. “It doesn’t really affect your life, Eds.”</p><p>“But that’s the thing,” Eddie said, head spinning. “It does. Because you do this shit all the fucking time. You have zero fucking impulse control, Rich.”<em> Except for when you have too much, except for the fact that you will touch me but you will never </em> <b> <em>touch</em> </b> <em> me, </em> Eddie thought, but he shoved it down. Again. With the rest of everything. He’d shoved so much down, and it made him tired. “It’s exhausting. <em> You’re </em> exhausting.”</p><p>“Well, shit,” Richie said, frowning now. He pulled his hand away and Eddie wanted to shout. Wanted to grab it and move it back. Wanted to grab it and move it somewhere else. Somewhere he was aching.</p><p>“It’s not like you’re a walk in the fucking park yourself,” Richie said, and Eddie’s heart <em> hurt</em>. Because he knew it was the truth. But Richie wasn’t done yet.</p><p>“Maybe I have no impulse control, maybe I just do things without thinking. But that’s better than being you. You never do <em> anything</em>.” Richie spat out the last word like it was shit-flavored.</p><p>“Fuck you, Rich,” Eddie said, and now he was crying. Just a bit, but the tears were there. Richie let out a single laugh, and it was so full of pain that Eddie wanted to just…… explode.</p><p>“No, Eddie,” Richie said. He pulled away from Eddie and threw himself back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. “Fuck <em> you</em>.”</p><p>Eddie paused for a second.<em> Never do anything, never do anything, never do fucking anything </em> playing on a loop in his brain. He took in a breath. He had a complete fucking <em> revelation. </em></p><p>“I want you to,” Eddie admitted, to himself and to Richie. “That’s the whole fucking <em> problem</em>.” Eddie said the words, he put them out there. Now they were. </p><p>And Richie was frozen, not moving, not <em> talking. </em> Eddie inched closer to the edge of the bed. Fuck. Richie didn’t move to stop him. <em> Fuck. </em> Richie.exe seemed to have ceased working.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, “I didn’t mean-”</p><p>“You didn’t mean it?” Richie interrupted, the words punched out of him, sounding weirdly small and hopeful.</p><p>“No,” Eddie said, sighing. He wasn’t about to take it back. “I meant it, but I didn’t mean to say it. I’ll just - I’ll go…”</p><p>Eddie started to get up, but then Richie reached out and grabbed Eddie’s hand. Turning around, Eddie looked at his friend, and Richie looked back. His face was completely blank. Which was worse than it being angry. So much worse.</p><p><em> This wasn’t how this was supposed to go</em>, Eddie thought, helplessly.</p><p>“How was it supposed to go?” Richie asked, voice low. Angry. Hot like coals. His grip on Eddie’s wrist got tighter, and Eddie flinched. Not because it hurt, but because it didn’t. Because it still felt so good, felt so <em> right</em>. </p><p>“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” Eddie admitted.</p><p>“Well, but you did, you see,” Richie said. “So. How did you want this to go?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Eddie said. It wasn’t enough, but it was all that he had. Because it was the truth. “I just... not <em> this</em>.”</p><p>“Okay, let me rephrase,” Richie said, sitting up and moving closer to Eddie. “What do you want, Eddie? You want me to fuck you and it is a problem. So, what are you going to do? How are you going to solve it? How are you going to solve the ‘problem’ that is me?”</p><p><em> Oh, </em> Eddie thought, his chest feeling lighter. <em> This is it. Why Richie is being so… off. Because I said everything wrong. Made him feel like I didn’t want him. But I’ve never wanted anything or anyone more, so I can fix this. Right? </em> He could fix this…. He had to.</p><p>“Richie,” Eddie said, the word falling from his lips like a prayer. He turned on the bed so that he was facing Richie and reached out his free hand to tug at a curl. “You’re not the problem, Richie. I don’t want to solve you. <em> I’m the problem.” </em> It was freeing, to finally say it. Richie wasn’t pulling back, he wasn’t pulling away, so Eddie went on.</p><p>“I want you, like, all the time,” Eddie admitted. “I wake up and think about you, and then I make myself stop. But I can’t have you and I want you. I think about you all the time. I want you all the fucking time. I want to touch you, for you to touch me. I’m in class and I’m thinking about you, I’m at lunch and I’m looking for you. Rich….” Eddie stopped for a moment, trying to get his thoughts in order.</p><p>“You’re not the problem, Richie. You’re the fucking answer. To like, <em> everything</em>.” </p><p>“Why do you think you can’t have me?” Richie asked. “I’m right here.”</p><p>“Because I know you don’t see me how I see you,” Eddie said. “I know it isn’t the same for you. That you don’t-”</p><p>“How the fuck would you know what I do and don’t see?” Richie asked, his voice low and earnest. “You’ve never fucking <em> asked</em>.”</p><p>“Well, neither have you,” Eddie pointed out.</p><p>“Because you’re entirely out of my league,” Richie said. “Like, I look at you, and then I look at me, and I just….” He trailed off and shrugged.</p><p>“You just what?” Eddie asked.</p><p>“I just, I set my sights lower, I guess,” Richie said. </p><p>“That’s dumb.” Eddie said. “You’re <em> dumb</em>,” he added, as an afterthought.</p><p>Richie frowned. Which just wouldn’t <em> do. </em> Eddie had to react. To do something. And he had a thought, but Richie was <em> frowning </em>so loudly that -</p><p>“Shut up,” Eddie said. </p><p>“I wasn’t talking,” Richie pointed out. <em> Still frowning. </em></p><p>Eddie’s heart sped up. He was gonna do it. All at once, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Richie’s. They were chapped, but still somehow perfect. Eddie pulled back very quickly, wanting to see if it worked, if Richie was done frowning like a complete <em> loser</em>. Richie looked stunned, which was better than looking confused, but only slightly. Then Richie focused in on Eddie, and he started to grin.</p><p>“<em> Shut up, </em> ” Eddie repeated. His entire face was tingling and he just <em> knew </em> that he was blushing.</p><p>“Okay,” Richie said. Letting go of Eddie’s wrist, he reached out and ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Getting a good grip, he tugged gently, pulling Eddie closer. Eddie followed the movement easily, climbing into Richie’s lap. Richie looked at him for a second, and then he leaned forward and they kissed again. But this time it lasted longer. A <em> lot </em>longer.</p><p><em> Holy shit, </em> Eddie thought, <em> I’m kissing Richie. He is kissing me. Our lips are touching and moving and - </em></p><p>Eddie let out a small noise. He felt like he was on fire. He pulled away to take in a breath and Richie responded with a growl and a tug - yanking Eddie even closer. So Eddie went back in with a vengeance. When Richie’s tongue licked along Eddie’s bottom lip, Eddie opened up and let him in. It was so hot, and wet, and just….. <em> Perfect</em>. Richie tasted like spices and cigarette smoke, and somehow that wasn’t gross, it was amazing. It was everything. It was just…. <em> Holy shit. </em></p><p>For a while as they ground against each other, Eddie’s hands were uselessly flapping at his sides. But then Richie let go of Eddie’s waist (but he didn’t loosen his grip in Eddie’s hair, thank <em> fuck </em> ) and grabbed one of his hands. Holding it for a moment, Richie then placed it firmly against his naked chest. Eddie sighed, and slid it over a bit until he could feel the metal of Richie’s piercing under his fingers. He couldn’t resist giving it a tug. <em> Just a small one</em>, but Richie let out the most delicious sound…. And that’s when Eddie kind of stopped thinking altogether. </p><p>
  <em> Holy shit. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Solution</h2></a>
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    <p>They’d been kissing for a while and Eddie felt like he had ascended to a new plane of existence. It was all hot licks into wet places, and grinding with gasps and touches…. It was <em> consuming</em>. At some point Eddie had lost his shirt, and he wasn’t even mad. All Eddie could think (during the infrequent moments when he was <em> able </em> to think) was: Richie. <em> Richie Richie Richie</em>…. A name, a person, a prayer, a promise. It thrummed in him in time with Eddie’s heartbeat. It fucking pulsed in his brain like a fever. <em> Richie Richie Richie</em>…. </p><p>After a while, his hands reaching and grabbing and smoothing, it wasn’t enough to just <em> think </em> the name. So Eddie decided to take it further. Reluctantly pulling his mouth away from where Richie had been busy tongue-fucking him into the next century, Eddie leaned back, exposing his neck and panting, trying to breathe in enough air to -</p><p>“<em>Richie</em>,” he said, whispering. It came out all obscene, less of a <em> prayer</em>, more of a…. <em> moan</em>. Fuck, it felt <em> good </em> to say it out loud. It felt <em> right. </em> And then Richie hummed, grinning at Eddie for a second before he moved in close to lick from the curve of Eddie’s jaw down to the hollow space of his collarbone. <em> Holy shit</em>. Richie sucked a mark over the hypersensitive skin, and Eddie felt like he was on <em> fire. </em></p><p>“Richie,” Eddie breathed out, needing to taste the name again. It was <em> delicious. </em> He could feel his cock get harder in his pants. It <em> ached. </em> Eddie <em> ached. </em> He scooted forward and tried to grind down against Richie, desperate for the friction. But Richie pulled back. Eddie did <em> not </em> like that, but he trusted that Richie knew what he was doing; so, he just bit his lip and decided to take what Richie was willing to give him. And Richie used the new space between them to snake his <em> very warm </em> hands from where they were resting on Eddie’s hips to his belly. Eddie hissed, <em> holy fuck. </em></p><p>Eddie almost came right there - Richie’s hands almost completely reached around Eddie. In fact, when he stretched them a bit - they were big enough to span Eddie’s <em> entire waist. </em> It made Eddie feel small. But not in a bad way, in the <em> best </em> way. It made him feel small and <em> safe.  </em></p><p>Richie must have also noticed and appreciated the sight, because he growled, low in his throat, and then <em> squeezed</em>. Just a little, but Eddie couldn’t help letting out a squeak that made Richie’s growl change into a chuckle that was somehow, <em> annoyingly</em>, just as hot.</p><p>“<em> Fuck, ‘Chee,” </em> Eddie said, no longer capable of saying the whole name. His head was <em> spinning. </em></p><p>“That’s my name,” Richie said, still staring at Eddie’s waist, at the contrast between Eddie’s tan skin and his pale hands. His shoulders were heaving as he sucked in a couple breaths. Eddie watched the way it made his chest move and bit back a moan. </p><p>“Try not to wear it out.” Richie finished, flashing a grin at Eddie before leaning in close. Richie followed up these words by sucking a bruise into the side of Eddie’s throat. Way too high up for a collar to cover.</p><p>“That’s gonna leave a mark, asshole,” Eddie said. He hated how fucked out his voice sounded, because he was doing his best to pretend like he was upset at the idea of getting marked up by Richie. But Richie<em> knew </em> him, and he could tell that Eddie wasn’t really upset. So he just laughed and licked over the spot and sucked again. <em> Harder </em>. Eddie sighed, but he leaned into the pressure of Richie’s mouth. </p><p>“Good,” Richie ground out. “I want <em> everyone </em> to know I was here.” Eddie could actually <em> feel </em> Richie’s smile against his skin as he spoke the words into the soft tender of Eddie’s throat, and it was <em> so good. </em> But it wasn’t <em> enough. </em></p><p>“Beep fucking beep, <em> asshole</em>,” Eddie said, just to see how Richie would respond. What he would <em> do.  </em></p><p>Richie growled. And then <em> bit him. </em> Right on the clavicle. No one had ever done that before. It stung, and Eddie couldn’t stop himself from gasping. <em> Do that again but harder, </em> he thought. But when he opened his mouth to ask for what he wanted, he got embarrassed, so what came out was -</p><p>“It’s not nice to bite,” Eddie said, head swimming. Richie licked over the space he had just bit, and placed a gentle kiss against the irritated skin.</p><p>“Oh really? It’s not <em> nice </em> to <em> bite</em>?” Richie asked, teasing over the words, dragging them out and reshaping them into a question. A question that Eddie didn’t know the answer to.</p><p>“Not nice at all,” Eddie said, but he wasn’t quite as sure as he had been a moment ago. </p><p>All of the sudden, Richie pulled back <em> even more. </em> Pretty much moved Eddie off of his lap. The unexpected distance made Eddie shiver. It was too <em> cold. </em> Eddie had just gotten all hot, and he wanted to be <em> hotter </em>. Wanted to rip off his shorts and spread his legs and just... Let Richie climb inside of his skin. </p><p><em> Stop pulling back, asshole, </em> Eddie thought. He wanted to <em> scream</em>. </p><p>Richie had completely stopped moving. Had stopped Eddie from moving, too. Eddie tried to wiggle closer. He <em> hated </em> this. Hated that they weren’t pressed up close, hated that Richie’s tongue wasn’t busy doing sinful things to him. But something in the way that Richie was looking at him made Eddie pause, and Richie used that stillness to move his hands from where they had been resting on Eddie’s belly up to his chest. His rough thumbs swept over Eddie’s nipples, getting them all <em> hard. </em> They pebbled up so quickly, too. At first Eddie was embarrassed, but then he saw that it made Richie grin, so Eddie decided to go with it. </p><p>But then Richie <em> pushed</em>. Not hard, and not far. Just a bit. Solidifying the space between them. And Richie left his hands there, playing with Eddie’s nipples while firmly keeping some distance between them. It was torture. <em> This is what hell feels like, </em> Eddie thought, <em> being so close to what I want, and just…. Not getting to have it. </em> </p><p>Richie tilted his head to the side, and pulled in a deep breath. He let it out slowly, and seemed to be considering something. After a moment, he nodded to himself.</p><p>“Well,” Richie said, looking at Eddie with heavy-lidded eyes. “Maybe I don’t want to be nice to you - you ever think about that?”</p><p>Eddie gasped, his peachy mouth forming a perfect ‘o’ as he thought about it. Because he hadn’t considered it. Not ever. Now that he was, though... The thought of Richie being mean to him made Eddie all wriggly. He thought about more biting. About some harsh tugging. About slapping and yanking and - </p><p>Almost against Eddie’s will, his hips canted up. Because now that he had thought about it, he couldn’t stop. His body loosened up, his spine curved in. He got all…. Pliable.</p><p>“Oh,” Richie said, grinning and running a finger across Eddie’s arm, down to his hand and back up to the nipple. Using his nail to<em> scratch </em>. “You like that thought, don’t you, Eds? Like the idea of me just…. Using you.”</p><p>Eddie’s brain was static as he tried to process the words. Eventually he gave up, and just clung to what he knew.</p><p>“Don’t call me Eds,” Eddie replied. He felt like he was floating. <em> Fuck, that’s not what he wanted to say, but now it was too late. What if Richie got upset, what if - </em></p><p>“Hmmm,” Richie said, the low sound interrupting Eddie’s mental spiral. “What do you want me to call you, then?” Richie went on. He was grinning in an insufferable way that made Eddie want to <em> scream.  </em></p><p>“Baby? Angel? Darling?” With each new name, Richie ran the rough pad of his thumb over Eddie’s nipple, rolling it between his fingers and making Eddie shudder. Richie’s voice had also gotten slower. He was dragging each syllable out. </p><p>Eddie loved it, but he didn’t know what to <em> say</em>, he didn’t know how to <em> respond</em>. Eddie’s brain was getting tingly, and a heavy lust was settling over him. </p><p><em> “ </em> What about <em> princess</em>?” Richie went on, and Eddie actually whimpered at that, feeling an intense, scorching heat settle in his gut. </p><p>“Oh,” Richie said, face lighting up. He tugged at Eddie’s tit, pulled him in closer. <em> Finally. </em> Eddie followed along mindlessly. “You want that, don’t you, baby? You wanna be my pretty little princess?”</p><p>Eddie blushed. He knew that it was <em> girly</em>, that maybe he shouldn’t want it - but he did. More than he could remember wanting anything.</p><p>Richie seemed to be waiting for Eddie to speak, but he <em> couldn’t</em>. Eddie couldn’t say the words, so he just nodded, biting his lip. </p><p>“I’m not sure that a nod is enough,” Richie said, sighing. But his eyes glittered, so Eddie knew he was enjoying himself. That he wasn’t really upset. Richie looked down at Eddie before shaking his head. “Yeah, it isn’t enough. You need to <em> say it. </em>”</p><p>“But ‘Chee,” Eddie said. “I don’t know if I can... Can’t you just-”</p><p>“If you can’t ask for what you want, you don’t get to have it,” Richie said, his voice firm. </p><p>Eddie felt like he was going to cry. Why was it so hard?</p><p>Richie’s expression softened, and he tugged Eddie’s pliable body forward. Pulled Eddie back into the warmth of his lap, arranging their legs until Richie’s feet were planted firmly on the ground and Eddie was straddling him.</p><p>“And you do want it, don’t you, Eddie?” Richie said, voice low and urgent as he reached down and cupped Eddie’s ass, his hands sliding under the elastic of Eddie’s shorts, kneading at the soft muscle. Eddie couldn’t think, how was he supposed to talk when he couldn’t even think?</p><p>But Richie just went on, leaning in close and breathing against Eddie’s ear, teasing with his tongue and talking soft and sweet. </p><p>“You wanna be <em> good </em> for me, I can tell.” Richie crooned. “You want to be my <em> princess</em>, want me to take care of you. Treat you just how you need.”</p><p><em> I do, </em> Eddie thought. <em> I really do</em>. He opened his mouth to ask, but the words wouldn’t come. <em> Why wouldn’t they come? </em> Eddie groaned, and leaned forward, he rested his head on Richie’s shoulder, shaking.</p><p>“Just ask for it, baby,” Richie went on. “If you don’t <em> ask</em>, then I can’t take you apart. And if I don’t take you apart, how can I put you back together?”</p><p>Eddie shuddered, and Richie’s hands dipped further into his shorts, fully grabbing his ass, pulling at the cheeks until they separated just a bit. Not enough, it wasn’t <em> enough. </em> Eddie needed more, he needed <em> everything. </em></p><p>“Richie,” Eddie said, or rather, panted. He felt so empty and - “It hurts.”</p><p>“I know, baby,” Richie soothed, moving a finger forward to just, gently press at Eddie’s hole. Finally, that’s what Eddie needed, what he - Richie pulled back just as quickly as he had moved forward. He pulled away completely, took his hands out of Eddie’s shorts and everything. He left Eddie entirely <em> bereft. </em> Eddie cried out. No, that was worse. It was so much worse now than it had been.</p><p>“I can make the hurt better,” Richie promised, lightly running his hands along Eddie’s back, tracing up and down his spine. He followed up his promise with another bite, somehow zeroing right over the spot he had bit before. It felt so good. Was so much.</p><p>“I won’t take it away completely,” Richie went on, “but I’ll make it better.”</p><p>Eddie’s whole body was on fire, and somehow Richie’s hands were everywhere. It was insane, and Eddie realized that he could have it. He could have it all, all of Richie, all of everything, if he just... <em> let go. </em></p><p>“I want it,” Eddie said, proud that his voice didn’t shake. He pulled back a bit until he was looking straight into Richie’s eyes. “I want it <em> so fucking much, </em> Richie.”</p><p>“Want what, baby?” Richie goaded. Eddie tried to feel annoyed, but he just... wasn’t. He didn’t care anymore. Didn’t care about anything but making the pain better.</p><p>“I want it all,” Eddie said. “I want you to just…. Take it all. Take it and make it better.”</p><p>Richie heaved in a breath, and Eddie felt him shake a bit, and then he rested his forehead against Eddie’s and he spoke, the words sounding like they were being dragged out of him against his will -</p><p>“Thank <em> fuck, </em>” Richie sighed, and Eddie felt him relax. He hadn’t realized that Richie was tense until he wasn’t, but his muscles just…. Loosened. Eddie felt a tug in his groin at the shift, at the play of tendons and skin that Eddie could feel against his chest and under his hands.</p><p>“Keep your arms around my neck, princess,” Richie said, kissing Eddie on the cheek softly. “Just for a second.”</p><p>“Okay, ‘Chee,” Eddie said, not even trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. This was happening, this was <em> real. </em></p><p>Richie hummed and wrapped one of his long arms around Eddie’s waist. Standing up in an unfairly smooth movement, Richie shoved his other hand down Eddie’s shorts, roughly shoving them down and off of his ass. Getting with the program, Eddie enthusiastically shook his leg a bit until the offending pants fell to the floor. </p><p>Richie grunted in approval and gave Eddie’s ass a couple of slaps. Eddie arched into Richie’s naked torso, loving the sting and wanting the friction. Rubbing at the skin he had just hit, Richie turned them around until Eddie’s back was to the wall and the mattress. Richie slid his hand under Eddie’s ass to support his weight. Reaching up with his free hand, he tapped at Eddie’s clasped fingers, signalling without words that Eddie could now loosen his grip, so Eddie did.</p><p>Richie effortlessly tossed Eddie onto the bed, he landed hard enough that he bounced. Eddie felt exposed, his chest heaving and his leaking cock on display. Without really thinking, Eddie raised up his knees to cover himself, but then Richie frowned.</p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare,” Richie said, reaching down and yanking at one of Eddie’s legs. “I’ve waited too long… I’ve been so good, I’ve held back… Watched you with all those fucking <em> boys </em> who didn’t deserve...” Richie’s voice tapered off as he stared at Eddie. It sounded like he was talking to himself more than Eddie at the end there. But then - </p><p>“You do <em> not </em> get to hide from me,” Richie finished, the words coming out over a growl. “Not now when I <em> finally </em> get to see you.” </p><p>The thought of Richie wanting Eddie just as bad for this whole time sent a thrill through Eddie, and he relaxed, letting his legs fall down, moving his arms above his head. Richie looked at him, and Eddie felt…. Beautiful. <em> Wanted</em>. </p><p>Richie was looking at him like he was committing Eddie to memory. Like Eddie was precious. Eddie got into it, arching his spine up a bit, spreading his legs out so that he was even more on display.</p><p>“Fucking gorgeous,” Richie said, sounding almost angry. He leaned over Eddie and sucked a nipple into his mouth, biting it. Eddie let out a hiss and reached out and up, trying to tangle his hands in Richie’s stupid pink hair and keep him close, but Richie was too quick, and he moved back before Eddie’s hands could get a good grip. </p><p>“Fucking <em> gorgeous</em>,” Richie repeated, and then he groaned and reached a hand down into his sweats. “My Eddie, all sweet like a peach.” Richie let out a sound, eyes fluttering shut and his hips moving as he started jerking at his cock under the grey cotton of his pants. Eddie wanted to see it. He wanted - </p><p>“And all for me, <em> right</em>?” Richie went on, opening his eyes again and giving Eddie a <em> look</em>. Eddie nodded, preoccupied with his desire to see Richie’s dick. </p><p>It was for Richie, though. All of it. All of everything. And Eddie was so <em>fucking</em> glad that Richie finally knew it, was finally <em> looking. </em> Then Richie’s hand (the one not currently busy in his pants) darted out, giving Eddie a quick and stinging slap on the thigh.</p><p>“Use your words, princess,” Richie said, rebuking. He smoothed his hand across the skin he had just smacked pink and went on, voice lower. “Be good for me and use your words.” </p><p>Eddie blushed. He <em> knew </em> this, knew that he was supposed to speak and not nod, but it was so hard, it made it all so much more <em> real. </em>Especially with Richie right there in front of him, hand moving up and down a bit faster now, if Eddie got up on his elbows he could almost swear he could see the swollen pink head of Richie’s cock and... </p><p>“Yes,” Eddie said, eyes straining. “It’s all for you... <em> Richie</em>.”</p><p>Richie’s hand stopped moving in his sweats for a second, forehead creasing. Eddie whined.</p><p>“Is that my name, princess?” Richie said, voice low. “Is that what you really want to call me?”</p><p>Richie moved his free hand from Eddie’s thigh to run it across the tip of Eddie’s leaking cock. Eddie let out a broken sob, the friction felt so <em> good </em> . So <em> so </em> good, but then Richie pulled away, sticking his slick finger into his mouth. Eddie watched Richie suck his finger dry of Eddie’s precum. It was fucking hot. The blissed out look on Richie’s face made Eddie want to give Richie whatever he wanted.</p><p>“Why don’t we try that again, hmm?” Richie said, reaching out and fully grabbing Eddie’s dick in his spit wet hand. Just…. Holding it without moving. “Call me what you really want to, and don’t hold back on me.”</p><p>“It’s all for you.” Eddie said, panting and arching upwards, trying to get Richie to apply more friction, knowing without having to be told that he is not allowed to touch himself. He knew what Richie wanted because it was what Eddie wanted, and Eddie let go of the last of his stupid reservations when Rich tightened his grip for a second and then loosened it again.</p><p>“It’s all for you…. <em> Daddy</em>.” Eddie breathed out.</p><p> “<em>Good boy, </em>” Richie said.  Without any further warning, Richie pulled his hand off of Eddie’s dick and stopped rubbing at his own. Eddie hated it so much, but then Richie reached for the top of his drawstring pants and and yanked them the fuck off. </p><p>Fucking <em> finally. </em> Eddie licked his lips, anticipating seeing Richie naked for the first time since they were kids and it didn’t count. </p><p>When Richie stood up, Eddie’s brain completely flatlined. Because Richie…. He had another piercing that he hadn’t shown the Losers. One he hadn’t told Eddie or anyone about. </p><p>Richie’s engorged cock, fucking <em>gorgeous</em> all on its own, had a glint of metal at the tip. A silver ring pierced the head and Eddie felt his body tense in anticipation. He wondered how that would feel when it was inside of him. If it would rub against him differently. Eddie wasn’t a<em> virgin,</em> but he’d never been fucked by someone with a cock that <em>big</em>, let alone one that was pierced<em>. </em>Eddie let out a moan. He wanted that dick inside of him right the fuck now.</p><p>“Holy shit,” Eddie breathed out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dont hate me for where I ended it, please! I swear - it wanted to pause here, we were over 3k words, my dudes.<br/>I will be writing a chapter three, I promise!!! When???? That I do not know.<br/>You can always <a href="https://losers-to-lovers.tumblr.com/">hmu on tumblr to give me encouragement</a>.<br/>But no matter what - it will be coming. As will our boys.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>y'all this is my Self-Indulgent Fic. please don't expect it to be Deep or Meaningful and please be Extra Kind. because i am just self-inserting all over the place. Richie gets a self-insert, Eddie gets a self-insert, everyone gets a fucking self-insert, okay? i'm the oprah of inserting myself..... that sounded way less sexual in my head, but i'm too tired to try and reword. please leave comments and kudos, i'm a slut for validation.<br/>thanks, as always, go to my poet wife. she is the best beta and i love her to the moon and back. she is my golden girl and she takes my words and makes them So Much Better.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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